The Art of Feedback in Mentoring – How to Strengthen, Not Criticise

Feedback in mentoring is often an emotionally charged topic. On one hand, every mentee needs information that helps them grow. On the other, it’s easy to say something in a way that discourages rather than motivates. That’s why how a mentor formulates and delivers feedback is crucial to the quality and effectiveness of the entire relationship.

David Clutterbuck, one of the pioneers of modern mentoring and co-founder of the European Mentoring & Coaching Council (EMCC), once said: “Feedback isn’t about giving answers — it’s about creating space for learning.”In mentoring, it’s not about the mentor being right, but about building reflection together and exploring new perspectives for change.

Feedback as dialogue, not monologue

A common mistake is treating feedback as a one-way evaluation. The mentor says, “You did that well,” or “You made a mistake here.” It’s simple — but rarely effective. Such comments label behaviour without engaging the mentee in learning.

A much more powerful approach is dialogic feedback, in which mentor and mentee engage in conversation. A good example is the GOLD model:

• Goal – What was your goal?

• Outcome – What actually happened?

• Learn – What did you learn?

• Different – What will you do differently next time?

Instead of being told what went right or wrong, the mentee analyses the situation themselves. They articulate their own insights, while the mentor guides reflection — helping organise thoughts and draw conclusions.

Examples from practice

Imagine a young manager leading a team meeting for the first time.The mentor could say: “You went through the agenda too quickly, which might have confused people.” Accurate, but evaluative.A feedback conversation in the spirit of GOLD might sound like: “What were your expectations for this meeting? What went well, and what might you change next time?”Through reflection, the mentee often recognises the pacing issue themselves — turning feedback into learning rather than correction.

Another example: a mentee prepares a client presentation. Instead of saying, “Your body language was weak,” the mentor might ask: “What did you notice about your posture during the presentation? How do you think the audience perceived it?”This invites self-awareness first; the mentor’s observations follow as a complement, not a judgment.

Strengthening feedback vs. critical feedback

In coaching and mentoring literature, there’s a clear distinction between evaluation and strengthening feedback.Clutterbuck noted that the more directive the mentor, the less productive the relationship becomes.The mentee should remain the active participant — the more they speak, analyse, and reflect, the more they internalise (as Kolb’s learning cycle shows, we learn best through our own experience and reflection).

In practice, this means the mentor highlights what worked as much as what didn’t.Instead of focusing on gaps, they might say:“I noticed how confidently you handled audience questions — what helped you feel grounded at that moment?”It’s not empty praise, but recognition of a specific behaviour that can be consciously strengthened.

Frameworks that support high-quality feedback

Alongside GOLD, mentors often use the SBI model (Situation – Behavior – Impact).It structures feedback in three steps: describing the situation, naming the behaviour, and outlining the impact.For example:“During yesterday’s meeting (situation), you spoke very quickly without pauses (behaviour), which may have made it harder for the team to take notes (impact).”This keeps the conversation factual and reduces the risk of personal judgment.

The GROW model, primarily used for goal-setting, also works well in feedback conversations.Discussing what the mentee aimed to achieve (Goal), where they are now (Reality), what options they see (Options), and what they’ll do next (Will) naturally integrates reflection and planning for change.

Recommended reading

For those who want to explore this further:

• David Clutterbuck – Everyone Needs a Mentor: a foundational text on mentoring and feedback.

• Eric Parsloe – Coaching and Mentoring: practical tools and models for development work.

• Ken Blanchard – The One Minute Mentor: on how brief, meaningful feedback can shift attitudes.

• Robert Łężak – 50 Stories for 50 Mentoring and Coaching Sessions: real-life examples showing different approaches to giving feedback.

Summary

Feedback in mentoring is an art.It’s not about judging or providing ready-made answers — it’s about creating a space where the mentee can see their actions from a new perspective, draw conclusions, and choose what to do differently.

A mentor who can give strengthening feedback not only supports learning but builds a relationship based on trust, safety, and motivation to grow.

And it’s within that space that the most meaningful change begins.